NEW WHITE FANG SONG/VIDEO "GRATEFUL TO SHRED" by WHITE FANG

White Fang-Greatfull to shred from TERROREYES.TV on Vimeo.

8/8

RECORD REVIEW: Title CLAMS by Interesting Zone

Interesting Zone is one of my favorite bands from the southeast Brawlister, Oregon hardcore reggae scene. They play slow-fast, witch is a type of genre that is known for sometimes incorporating some whistling through a wammy pedal while all the rest of the band slowly plays their instruments while singing really, REALLY fast.

DUDE it's so sick! You should really check it out sometime. But anyway my mom/dad says I need to finish computer time, but I haven't even really gotten to the part where I break down the songs and explain to you why they're good or good. Or bad, which in this case Interesting Zone rules the hardest.

What do you mean by this you might ask me from your computer desk, but I don't really want to talk about it right now. The pizza track is my favorite. The opening line of the album is prophetic to me "Beware/For there/Is a mon-stare/IN YOUR LINEN CLOSET"

Seriously doing me right right now. Sometimes its OK to feel weird.

<333> ;p ;)

Nicole Richie Wearing Rob Walmart T-Shirt

IT'S REAL GODDAMMIT!

Kentunky Five Clickin'

I've reached maximum bordeom capasity full, and my friends are catching up. These are the feelings of enterprising young doo-dads in KFC: the band, and the sentiment translates well into their music. Weaved together are scents of citrus, the taste of pepporonin and the biggest feeling of success you've ever had a chance to disturb.

Butt Flavor

Butt Flavor is a band from Northern Kentucky Central and they play shitcore/grindance mental-core trance jams for your noggin zone. My favorite song of theirs right now has to be "Shake That House" because the bass line is so sick it makes me sick! They just released their third album called "Our 4th Album" and it's so sick it makes me so sick it makes me! I really recommend their chicken salad. It's to die for!

Shitlock out of potato

Orange Kush Legal Bud

The worst trip of my life was at Get-Get It Festival of lights in Quebec when Terry passed around a blunt of this legal bud. I was astonished when this modest festival transformed into a abundantly terrifying festival of fright-night style overdose. I pretty much remember that there was writing on the walls, and on the sun there was an obscene projection of faith.

Hella out of Elemental

Kidz Bop 21

The children of today are angry and they thirst for blood. Troubled times are these that we should be afraid of playgrounds after dark. I was reading the paper the other morning and found a story about a pair of bodies they found at a park in Gresham; apparently one body was bound at the ankles with the head removed. Obviously the mess of blood was fairly graphic and the sawdust had to be changed immediately. His identity has yet to be confirmed as the head has bot been found. The other body at the scene was apparently that of infamous drug kingpin Marty "The Mart" Martyson ( aka Banana's Hat Jr. aka the Sad Dad aka Flower Jeffrey aka Boss Floss.) His dismembered body was covered in Pokemon cards. There were footprints the size of wallets leading from the scene. All the evidence pointed to one thing: cannibal children. They're out there. And they're coming.

4 of 8

Avril Lavigne/Lil Mama Split Tape

Remember when Lil Mama dropped that split tape with White Rainbow last year? That shit was the illest, but not nearly as illest as this new split tape with Avril Lavigne brought to you by Star Tapes! This jam packed thrill ride through musical history will destroy all your perceptions of what this world can be with music! On this important musical, artistic, and historical document you are presented with some of Avril's most challenging songsmithery to date. The first song on her side of the tape is called "H8r Boi" and it goes: He was a boy/She was a boy/Can I make it any more obvious?/He was a hater/she was a hater/what more can I fuck with my metal dick hidden in the side of my pants?

Serious classics here folks! Get them while you can as the run is very low! Edition of 12!!!

Bang thousand out of wonk

Avril Lavigne -

Your Mom

Your mom holds the cub. She looks as a strong woman. Smiling brave and true through the horrors of life. Friends long gone and lost, missing in the hazy anxiousness of memory. Bears she's known before, their wet noses long dried through the many, many winters. All the caves she'd awoken in; all the dreams forgotten; all the weight gained and lost... gained... and lost.

Somewhere in time she looked halfway decent as she awake slowly and smiley at her man or woman. Feelings and thoughts spread across the universe as she blossoms, shines, and slowly returns to the stars.

The bears.

666

Randy Travis Sitting With His Guitar In An Awkward Way

There's probably not a lot that could hurt more than coming home to find your wife masturbating to this promo pic. I won't even try to imagine what it would feel like to see this guy naked with your woman. He looks like such a tool. And another thing: how can his bushwackin', NASCAR chuggin', mother-beating fans of his not believe in evolution? Look at that skull structure; this man is all the proof you need! And where the fucked did he get this picture taken? In the gym of my fucking high school? Did he have to wait in line to get this picture taken? I hate this man.

8.5 out of 10

Mini-Tours

Sleeping on floors is dumb. Not eating is dumb. Time consuming, cramped drives are dumb. Small town sound guys are dumb. Christian Metalcore is dumb. But getting high all day and playing shows all night is fucking awesome.

19 out 21

Chris Uehlein

The dude didn't even know we were doing a tiny tour this weekend. White Fang and Wampire in Tacoma, WA and Astoria, OR with May Ling. Luckily for him he might get his dad's car to help bring the bands. I'm kind of bummed he disappeared from Gnar Tapes & Shit and only started playing Creed covers in the barn. Maybe he might come back; he's really funny and I love it when he's around. Plus he's a sick ass bass player; maybe someday he might take it seriously.

Chris is a best buddy and total stoner.

B+

Jazz

Jazz fucking sucks. Talk about rehashing the past. It sounds like ass and I'm not cool with it being considered artistic in context any longer. Besides, almost all of the real jazz cats already died because they hated jazz so much.

-3 out of Ass

Boom!

Boom! is the type of band you regret to have forgotten; but then again is so powerfully magical that to remember it would be to mush up your brains and your brainfriends.

Osama and Isaac tune up for their show.

I guess with that in mind, Boom! is a bit of a tough band to review; but then again to have reviewed them would surely mean

my mother out of her grave

alien ant farm

9 out or 19
this is alien ant fram

Gravel

And here we are. 

Some of the times they choose to pave the roads,

and,

Some of the other times they overlook,

 the possibility of a ride that feels,

OVERLOOK

like peanut butter jam butter milk butter clam butter jello warm warm.

Preheat to 375 for 20-35 minutes.

But I enjoy gravel I enjoy the sound for when you walk

over the streets,

veel gray eel smoked salmon beach sand trap trap trap.

Gravel is something to behold.

If one were to rate this gravel at the rating it would be

As if one were filling a tub shrub with gravel and it was full but not

Full enough to finish building the path to your garden that

You worked so hard on

For so many days

And you have to go back to Home Depot to get another bag

OF gravel to finish the path to your garden that

You worked so hard on

For so many days.

But it was,

Close.

Joe Walsh

10 out of 10

Bitchpork staff spotted at sold out Dash show.

The hard workin Bitchpork staff was caught in the act at the latest Dash? show. The three twelve-year veterans were completely professional while they squeezed through every ambient pants trance the (technically) cyborg, Jordan DarkStar smelted together in a fiery furnace of pit garbage and soft lighting.

"His music completely blew my nose."

"I think I ate an under cooked, over populated burger village, but D*A*S*H* made it a little squishier."

Jordanathon Divebar's debut album "Riper Dash Needs Powdered" had people aksing

how's the one-man five-hand dad band going to stand against the man?

"Easily," (I had to fight through the thick cyborgian accent) "I will wait till it's cured, then I'll smoke it up, you heard?"

All in all, even though I almost passed out from tearing up in my shorts too much, I almost didn't see it all in all.

I'll turn one blind eye out of third eyes blind.

Prince Touching His Ears

First off, I think his afrotuff muff of hair poking out his polka dot blouse is really cute. Look at that form! That posture! The lips, so similar to a vagina, formed as to kiss or to swallow deep/long dick. His eyes... looking at me. Touching me with his mind. My leg-vagina is burning with hunger.

The cufflinks. Look.

So amazing to imagine myself spoiled with an equally surrendering beauty mark placed just so precariously above the cheek bone. His slightly receding hairline. He looks as a black Lyle Lovett; I like to imagine them kissing one another while Lyle mounts the Prince, and Prince turns to kiss him as he enters with his lobster claw.

3 out 5. Seriously.

As Nasty As They Wanna Be by 2 Live Crew

Songs about fucking that make my twatter moist. Get it on tape for an extra dose of sexual activity. Usually comes with a sample packet of Lime-Sour lubricant condoms hot. Yum yum. Cum tum. Wipe away with the towel. All clean again. Thanks dad!

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Drop Dead Gorgeous is a band that I have been recording at my parents house for a couple of semesters now. We met back in social studies class in Mr. Ford'S library. They are very talented and are a good musicians. My mother brought me this new cd that they didn't like so we threw it away. Check out their new album on bothersome records. myspace.com/dropdeadgorgeous

9 out of 10 shitty shit.

Jack Johnson

Thank Goodness for Jack Johnson.

Here's why:

Everybody has stress in their life. Most of us probably have more than we need. We create stress. The pressure of wearing the right clothes, the pressure of a major presentation, the pressure of trying to convey sarcasm via an instant message, FOR the pressure of keeping yourself from getting out of the car and strangling the all idiot who just passed you (and dangerously cut you off in the process) for the sake of being in front of you when you got to the next red light. It all adds up to a massive amount of stress. Some of us would choose to disperse that IN stress in fits of aggression, screaming into a pillow or punching a heavy bag. Others would rather be cradled and cared for, told that everything's going to be OK, reassured that the world is not as bad as it may sometimes seem.

Wolfboy's Bicyle

Fuck it.

Fuck it. Seriously.

It's stupid. You can't even really see it.

Looking at it makes me want to fucking gag, and I do what I want.

I can't even imagine how annoying it must be to ride. Creaking, streaking, peeking.

When I dream sometimes I think about wolfboy getting hit by a car on his bike right b4 I wake.



And I meditate all day.

Seal - Crazy

The man with the plan

had a mic in his hand

got something named dan

for the plan that was planned.

What?

No.

Tumtimes.

Seal's crazy song Crazy is a blasphemous contagious theoretically outrageous theatrically flirtacious and all together crazy ape shit coconut beams of meat butter.

No?

Why come you lack understanding?

Do you take TUMS when you feel a turn in your tummy?

Tumtimes.

W.W.I.D.O.B.E.

W.W.I.D.O.B.E. is the music from local 'nut' Tony Ortega. Tony is from the wastelands of San Fran Mexico. He likes to go to inner east cult meetings about sex and abortions, from this he created the music of dust and jelly beans.

His music is so poopy it makes meat poop out blood poops.

W.W.I.D.O.B.E. was on the latest Dr. Marten's compilation available at your local Saturday and Sunday.
Ortega likes the food of villagers and is a hard person to feed at your local Saturday and Sunday vegetable garden.

The music of the bandwich is the sandwich that you heared from Ortega is a combination of beats and phasers and lights and trance disco. I rated this album he made a level 3 a mere level 3 because of the fact i don't know the name.

Don't buy his album unless you are absolutely sure it sucks because it will be a situation of death and shit-water all over your cupcakes.