Avril Lavigne/Lil Mama Split Tape

Remember when Lil Mama dropped that split tape with White Rainbow last year? That shit was the illest, but not nearly as illest as this new split tape with Avril Lavigne brought to you by Star Tapes! This jam packed thrill ride through musical history will destroy all your perceptions of what this world can be with music! On this important musical, artistic, and historical document you are presented with some of Avril's most challenging songsmithery to date. The first song on her side of the tape is called "H8r Boi" and it goes: He was a boy/She was a boy/Can I make it any more obvious?/He was a hater/she was a hater/what more can I fuck with my metal dick hidden in the side of my pants?

Serious classics here folks! Get them while you can as the run is very low! Edition of 12!!!

Bang thousand out of wonk

Avril Lavigne -

Your Mom

Your mom holds the cub. She looks as a strong woman. Smiling brave and true through the horrors of life. Friends long gone and lost, missing in the hazy anxiousness of memory. Bears she's known before, their wet noses long dried through the many, many winters. All the caves she'd awoken in; all the dreams forgotten; all the weight gained and lost... gained... and lost.

Somewhere in time she looked halfway decent as she awake slowly and smiley at her man or woman. Feelings and thoughts spread across the universe as she blossoms, shines, and slowly returns to the stars.

The bears.

666

Randy Travis Sitting With His Guitar In An Awkward Way

There's probably not a lot that could hurt more than coming home to find your wife masturbating to this promo pic. I won't even try to imagine what it would feel like to see this guy naked with your woman. He looks like such a tool. And another thing: how can his bushwackin', NASCAR chuggin', mother-beating fans of his not believe in evolution? Look at that skull structure; this man is all the proof you need! And where the fucked did he get this picture taken? In the gym of my fucking high school? Did he have to wait in line to get this picture taken? I hate this man.

8.5 out of 10

Mini-Tours

Sleeping on floors is dumb. Not eating is dumb. Time consuming, cramped drives are dumb. Small town sound guys are dumb. Christian Metalcore is dumb. But getting high all day and playing shows all night is fucking awesome.

19 out 21

Chris Uehlein

The dude didn't even know we were doing a tiny tour this weekend. White Fang and Wampire in Tacoma, WA and Astoria, OR with May Ling. Luckily for him he might get his dad's car to help bring the bands. I'm kind of bummed he disappeared from Gnar Tapes & Shit and only started playing Creed covers in the barn. Maybe he might come back; he's really funny and I love it when he's around. Plus he's a sick ass bass player; maybe someday he might take it seriously.

Chris is a best buddy and total stoner.

B+

Jazz

Jazz fucking sucks. Talk about rehashing the past. It sounds like ass and I'm not cool with it being considered artistic in context any longer. Besides, almost all of the real jazz cats already died because they hated jazz so much.

-3 out of Ass

Boom!

Boom! is the type of band you regret to have forgotten; but then again is so powerfully magical that to remember it would be to mush up your brains and your brainfriends.

Osama and Isaac tune up for their show.

I guess with that in mind, Boom! is a bit of a tough band to review; but then again to have reviewed them would surely mean

my mother out of her grave

alien ant farm

9 out or 19
this is alien ant fram

Gravel

And here we are. 

Some of the times they choose to pave the roads,

and,

Some of the other times they overlook,

 the possibility of a ride that feels,

OVERLOOK

like peanut butter jam butter milk butter clam butter jello warm warm.

Preheat to 375 for 20-35 minutes.

But I enjoy gravel I enjoy the sound for when you walk

over the streets,

veel gray eel smoked salmon beach sand trap trap trap.

Gravel is something to behold.

If one were to rate this gravel at the rating it would be

As if one were filling a tub shrub with gravel and it was full but not

Full enough to finish building the path to your garden that

You worked so hard on

For so many days

And you have to go back to Home Depot to get another bag

OF gravel to finish the path to your garden that

You worked so hard on

For so many days.

But it was,

Close.