Joe Walsh

10 out of 10

Bitchpork staff spotted at sold out Dash show.

The hard workin Bitchpork staff was caught in the act at the latest Dash? show. The three twelve-year veterans were completely professional while they squeezed through every ambient pants trance the (technically) cyborg, Jordan DarkStar smelted together in a fiery furnace of pit garbage and soft lighting.

"His music completely blew my nose."

"I think I ate an under cooked, over populated burger village, but D*A*S*H* made it a little squishier."

Jordanathon Divebar's debut album "Riper Dash Needs Powdered" had people aksing

how's the one-man five-hand dad band going to stand against the man?

"Easily," (I had to fight through the thick cyborgian accent) "I will wait till it's cured, then I'll smoke it up, you heard?"

All in all, even though I almost passed out from tearing up in my shorts too much, I almost didn't see it all in all.

I'll turn one blind eye out of third eyes blind.

Prince Touching His Ears

First off, I think his afrotuff muff of hair poking out his polka dot blouse is really cute. Look at that form! That posture! The lips, so similar to a vagina, formed as to kiss or to swallow deep/long dick. His eyes... looking at me. Touching me with his mind. My leg-vagina is burning with hunger.

The cufflinks. Look.

So amazing to imagine myself spoiled with an equally surrendering beauty mark placed just so precariously above the cheek bone. His slightly receding hairline. He looks as a black Lyle Lovett; I like to imagine them kissing one another while Lyle mounts the Prince, and Prince turns to kiss him as he enters with his lobster claw.

3 out 5. Seriously.

As Nasty As They Wanna Be by 2 Live Crew

Songs about fucking that make my twatter moist. Get it on tape for an extra dose of sexual activity. Usually comes with a sample packet of Lime-Sour lubricant condoms hot. Yum yum. Cum tum. Wipe away with the towel. All clean again. Thanks dad!

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Drop Dead Gorgeous is a band that I have been recording at my parents house for a couple of semesters now. We met back in social studies class in Mr. Ford'S library. They are very talented and are a good musicians. My mother brought me this new cd that they didn't like so we threw it away. Check out their new album on bothersome records. myspace.com/dropdeadgorgeous

9 out of 10 shitty shit.

Jack Johnson

Thank Goodness for Jack Johnson.

Here's why:

Everybody has stress in their life. Most of us probably have more than we need. We create stress. The pressure of wearing the right clothes, the pressure of a major presentation, the pressure of trying to convey sarcasm via an instant message, FOR the pressure of keeping yourself from getting out of the car and strangling the all idiot who just passed you (and dangerously cut you off in the process) for the sake of being in front of you when you got to the next red light. It all adds up to a massive amount of stress. Some of us would choose to disperse that IN stress in fits of aggression, screaming into a pillow or punching a heavy bag. Others would rather be cradled and cared for, told that everything's going to be OK, reassured that the world is not as bad as it may sometimes seem.

Wolfboy's Bicyle

Fuck it.

Fuck it. Seriously.

It's stupid. You can't even really see it.

Looking at it makes me want to fucking gag, and I do what I want.

I can't even imagine how annoying it must be to ride. Creaking, streaking, peeking.

When I dream sometimes I think about wolfboy getting hit by a car on his bike right b4 I wake.



And I meditate all day.

Seal - Crazy

The man with the plan

had a mic in his hand

got something named dan

for the plan that was planned.

What?

No.

Tumtimes.

Seal's crazy song Crazy is a blasphemous contagious theoretically outrageous theatrically flirtacious and all together crazy ape shit coconut beams of meat butter.

No?

Why come you lack understanding?

Do you take TUMS when you feel a turn in your tummy?

Tumtimes.

W.W.I.D.O.B.E.

W.W.I.D.O.B.E. is the music from local 'nut' Tony Ortega. Tony is from the wastelands of San Fran Mexico. He likes to go to inner east cult meetings about sex and abortions, from this he created the music of dust and jelly beans.

His music is so poopy it makes meat poop out blood poops.

W.W.I.D.O.B.E. was on the latest Dr. Marten's compilation available at your local Saturday and Sunday.
Ortega likes the food of villagers and is a hard person to feed at your local Saturday and Sunday vegetable garden.

The music of the bandwich is the sandwich that you heared from Ortega is a combination of beats and phasers and lights and trance disco. I rated this album he made a level 3 a mere level 3 because of the fact i don't know the name.

Don't buy his album unless you are absolutely sure it sucks because it will be a situation of death and shit-water all over your cupcakes.